the thoughts and ideas of us

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Sunday, December 07, 2003

BIF is a charitable organisation which aims to raise money to provide fish with bicycles and teach them to ride them.
We believe our teaching programes are second to none, but we can not continue to work with our dedicated team of volenteers with out financial suport from memebers of the public to fund our admistration overheads. We currently recieve no funding from the government.

Tuesday, April 29, 2003
We did hella good!
Phoenix 24 read the dated article "met bar news - say hello" for proof, predicted the rise of he celebrity weather presenter along side that of the celebrity chef and who should appear as self confessed celebrity reality stars that sian llyod tv weather presenter, and by her side Anthony warhol thompson celebrity chef and restaurant owner.

Sunday, March 30, 2003

Celebrity death matching on phoenix24 evolved at good 18 months ago and has been a run away sucess.
firstly none of the celebs used are actually dead yet, which is a fine victory of good taste on our part if ever we made one. of course we would have got round to updating the site had we used thora hird the queen mum or that bloke from the beegees, but this way we haven't had to bother. oh yes a victory indeed.
secondly all of the celebs except for delia smith and ricki lake have had an argueable positive upturn in the quality and prominence of their careers since being featured on phoenix24.

we did good?

Saturday, January 11, 2003
Psyco analysing my christmas gift
When i first met my housemate liz i thought we would get on. but that was possibly the last shred of niavity i had in my and since october i have learnt better.
now we don't spa but we realise we don't like each other. and we don't try to change it.
so all my fears came true when she brought my secret santa gift. at least i knew i was in the hat - i mean i pulled out my name first - but for all the agonising i might have rather not have been.
well i got four boottles of smirnoff ice.
In a straight line not a four pack. unlikely to have cost the fiver set as a limet (i went over by 39p after student discount) prehaps leftovers from a multi pack. why am i am being so negative/ in birthday paper not christmas paper though it might also be signifcant to mention it was gift wrap not newspaper for i'm being objective here.
i didn't truely enter in to the spirt of secret santa because although i was wise enough not to open my present in company of housemates i didn't wait til christms either.
on the one hand smirnoff i ce is the premium rtd. on the other hand liz should know i prefer smirnoff black ice. on the other hand she maybe shouldn't buy me alcohol at all cos she also knows i was taken to the hospital due to being complettly pissed.
today liz anounced she didn't like smirnoff ice personally. hmm

Thursday, September 19, 2002


There are somethings all the official guides to packing for university seem to have left out - just think where you'd be if phoenix24 wasn't here to do your forward thinking for you!
Wouldn't it be lovely if you could invite people into your new accormodation and offer them a cup off coffee and a biscuit, think your parents. And wouldn't you prefer to be invited in for a beer and packet of crisps? Oh and to be extra hosbiltable make sure you've got ice for my Malibu and Pepsi.
Your crappy student digs are bound to stink, as also are your new housemates, when none of you can figure out how to a) work the shower or b) open the prehistoric safety windows, for the first few weeks at least.
pen, paper, picture dictionary
Indespensible when trying to communicate with those Northern monkeys you wish to befriend, as anyone who has ever been on a foriegn exchange will tell you.
poloroid camera
Poloroids provide proof hard to come by in a digital age, and the photos you take in freshers week could well become a useful suplement income to your loan - let some other poor sod do all the part time hours god sends, while you sit back and blackmail.
flexiblity, ingenuity& an open mind
Maybe not left out of all of the official guides but they didn't mean it as strongly as we do. For instance, not enough space in the closet for all your clothes girls? Store items in your dedicated fridge and cupboard space, and just eat take outs. And boys, if there's not enough space for your clothes in the closet, maybe you should get out of it yourself.

Well there you go with those top tips you can get on with your eduction in style, which is what your there for. No really it is. good luck.

Friday, July 26, 2002

“Whistling is a dirty and irritating practice which has no place in a civilised society.”

“(whistling) should be outlawed in England and Wales before the next general election.”

The following the quotes from leading politicians on both sides of the house leaked to the tabloid media this week we take a look into what banning of whistling will entail.

Under the new proposals whistling would be outlawed in all places designated for public use. Whistling is also prohibited in privately owned property and land where it is at all audible to any other human or mammal.

Particularly strict attention must be paid in the vicinities surrounded educational establishments and recognised route to and from them, and in areas of environmental interest due to presence of protected species.

Private whistlers’ clubs would be licensed at a fee set by the county council and must not exist in excess of one per 15 square kilometres. The members of such clubs must be over the age of 18 years and registers with the local council. Members may only meet with in the licensee premises between 12 midday and 7pm Monday to Saturday excluding bank holidays. Such premises should be fully sound proofed.

Whistling would be punished with in the structure outline below:

A three strike warning system. Formal warnings will be kept on the convicts record for three years and be available with in 10 working days to employers, medical practitioners and religious leaders upon request.

Repeat offenders to be summoned to county court to be fined up to £1000 plus costs and issued community service at the discretion of the judge.

Imprisonment for up to eight months may be enforced upon the most destructive repeat offenders.

Wednesday, May 15, 2002

Letter of Complaint

13 May 2002

Goodies Diner
11 Commercial road

Dear Sir or Madam
It is with regret I write to you to bring to your attention the unacceptably poor level of service received by the party I was with at your restaurant this weekend. On Saturday 11th of May 2002 a party of 16 had a reservation for 8.30pm under the name ‘Blaggs’ to celebrate an 18th Birthday before meeting more guests in the city center between 10 and 11 pm.

When we arrived the table was still occupied by the previous group booking. Upon the suggestion and brief apology of the waiter the group agreed to return quarter of an hour later. The local pubs were occupied mostly by football supporters which is quite intimidating for a young group of mostly females so we waited in the street for the table as it was a warm night. When we returned the table was still not vacated and we waited several more minutes to be seated. The cutlery was then set once we were already at the table.

The staff were unable to split the bill in anyway at all to make payment easier for the party, including charging drinks separately at the bar. It was suggested people keep an individual total on the napkins - but no pens or spare napkins were offered.

The group had to wait a considerable amount of time for the drinks order to be taken - the waitress doing this had appeared to have little knowledge of the drinks menu leading to some confusion over what type of drinks were being ordered. Only after the order had been taken did she (standing at one end of the table so inaudible to some members of the group) begin to tell the party about the Barcadi promotion running. She was interrupted by a call from another member of staff about food for another part being ready. The waitress could not decide whether to finish detailing the promotion or to go to deal with the other party. Whilst thinking aloud she said “I don’t care anyway, I can’t be bothered”. I find this an appalling attitude to display infront of customers.

After sometime the drinks began to arrive but the process took sometime. A Cherry Bomber was described as a Cherry Lollipop - two drinks of completely different shape and consistency - and went to the wrong person. Two of the other drinks did not arrive until after a different member of staff had been alerted. This waitress told us the drinks had been crossed off the bill.

There was also a considerable delay in the taking of the food order, and after this the menus were not removed from the table for over another ten minutes. No second drinks order was initiated by any of the staff. Which apart from being poor customer service, is terrible business sense.

Due to the delay in getting into the restaurant and the making the order few of the group decided to have starters. There were no more first courses ordered than would be for a regular sized table yet there was still a long wait for these to arrive. By ten o’clock, an hour and half after the original booking and by which time we hoped to be able to give the people we were meeting up with a firm time by which we would be finished the main courses were still not on the table.

When the food did turn up there was an extra chicken parmesan which no one had ordered. The waiter holding this took a rather abrupt tone asked if anyone had ordered a chicken anything and responded rudely to the reply. The meal did not belong to the party and all our meals did turn up.

When we finished eating the plates were not cleared away promptly, however when the waitress did arrive an asked if we would like to order desserts our initial reaction was to go ahead and go straight to the clubs to meet friends rather than to the pubs as originally planned. However the waitress was unable to take the desert order straight away due to the plates she was carrying and said she would return.

As had become familiar, she did not. By the time she did return we were running unacceptably late, and asked for the bill. This did arrive promptly - revealing much about your ethics as a restaurant. Not only was there no concession for our inconvenience - the service charge - which we were well aware of - had been added to the bill despite the your inability to seat us as the time booked and the lack of professional service during our visit. As we were paying cash and did not have any change amongst the group we had no choice but to pay the full bill despite our reservations in doing so.

Many restaurant supply customer care cards allowing customers to give both positive and negative feedback to help improve the quality of service they offer, yours I notice, did not.

The quality of food was acceptable, although nothing out of the ordinary and certainly not good enough to market the restaurant alone. There are several American themed restaurants in Southampton all of whom offer the similar or better quality and choice of food and similar prices, for example, Mustang Sally’s, TGI Friday’s, Old Orleans, Buffalo Bill’s and Frankie and Benny’s. These restaurants also offer a far better standard of service. Had it been possible to get a group of sixteen unbooked into one of these restaurants in the middle of a Saturday night and had we not paid a deposit, you may have not been able to be so complacency with your lax attitude to our group.
Your restaurant is used to catering for large parties - your website states you ‘specialise in them’ I would not choose the term special. I wonder if perhaps it had been a 30th Birthday rather than an 18th or Gemma’s parents had been dining with us, your level of service might have been better?