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Friday, July 26, 2002

“Whistling is a dirty and irritating practice which has no place in a civilised society.”

“(whistling) should be outlawed in England and Wales before the next general election.”

The following the quotes from leading politicians on both sides of the house leaked to the tabloid media this week we take a look into what banning of whistling will entail.

Under the new proposals whistling would be outlawed in all places designated for public use. Whistling is also prohibited in privately owned property and land where it is at all audible to any other human or mammal.

Particularly strict attention must be paid in the vicinities surrounded educational establishments and recognised route to and from them, and in areas of environmental interest due to presence of protected species.

Private whistlers’ clubs would be licensed at a fee set by the county council and must not exist in excess of one per 15 square kilometres. The members of such clubs must be over the age of 18 years and registers with the local council. Members may only meet with in the licensee premises between 12 midday and 7pm Monday to Saturday excluding bank holidays. Such premises should be fully sound proofed.

Whistling would be punished with in the structure outline below:

A three strike warning system. Formal warnings will be kept on the convicts record for three years and be available with in 10 working days to employers, medical practitioners and religious leaders upon request.

Repeat offenders to be summoned to county court to be fined up to £1000 plus costs and issued community service at the discretion of the judge.

Imprisonment for up to eight months may be enforced upon the most destructive repeat offenders.